Feelings
by XxStarryxxSkyxX
Summary: Near can't place his feelings for Mello until it's too late. Songfic, character death, onesided NearxMello. T for safety.


Just a little idea I had while listening to music. You see, I have this creepy obsession with proving Near has an odd, canon crush on Mello, and I gather evidence from the series, but that's not the point. The point is, I wanted to write a fic, and I thought, wow, the lyrics to this song fit nicely (at least, the way I interpret them)… So I wrote this! This is my first songfic… Hope you enjoy!

The song used is A Little Less Sixteen Candles, a Little More Touch Me by Fall Out Boy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note or the lyrics to the song.

xoxoxo

_I confess, I messed up_

_Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around_

_And I know you dressed up_

"_Hey kid, you'll never live this down"_

Another one of Near's many complicated dice towers crashed noisily to the ground, the _cl-clink clank _of falling dice accompanied by a loud, rude laugh. The white-haired boy looked up to see, surprise surprise, his so-called sworn enemy, Mello. I say so-called because Near himself never recalled saying anything negative to Mello. He never stated he 

hated him, never made him mad intentionally, and never tampered with any of his belongings.

It was Mello who had first declared his undying hatred for Near, and Near remembered that moment very clearly, though he was still rather young at the time. After Near had taken his first test at Wammy's House and passed it with flying colors, beating Mello by only a half a point, Mello had stared dumbfounded for a few moments before tearing up his test angrily and stating that Near was a stupid, big-headed twit.

Oh, and then he said he hated him.

'_Cause you're just the girl all the boys want to dance with_

_And I'm just the boy who's had too many chances_

Near hadn't really known what to say. Why had Mello gotten that angry over something as small as a test score?

Near soon got his answer.

"Dude, you beat Mello!" a redhead exclaimed, wide-eyed.

"I know…" Near said, twirling a hair idly in confusion.

"You're, like, the first!" the redhead said. "Mello's always been the best here! Aw, now that he's second, this means I'm third… Thanks a lot…"

The boy walked away, and Near stood speechless, feeling a bit bad for Mello.

Not so much the redhead.

_I'm sleeping on your folks' porch again, dreaming_

_She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"_

From then on, whenever Near came in first on a test, Mello would storm off angrily after first letting out a string of insults in his direction. And Near would stand just outside of the classroom, not paying attention to the words of praise and wonder his classmates were giving him as they crowded around his tiny form, much more interested in watching Mello storm off until he finally turned a corner and walk out of Near's sight.

_I don't blame you for being you_

_But you can't blame me for hating it_

Mello wasn't an enemy in Near's eyes.

He was a friend.

Albeit, Mello didn't know it, but Near considered him something of that nature.

Mello's insults didn't really faze Near, only adding to Mello's frustration, but Near saw no reason to hate Mello.

Near thought Mello was very interesting; he provided Near with a challenge he couldn't find elsewhere, and the fact that his loud, outgoing personality clashed completely with Near's quiet, introverted one only made Mello stand out more.

And Near couldn't help what he felt for that boy…

_So say, what are you waiting for?_

_Kiss her, kiss her_

Near couldn't place his feelings; he knew too little about what he was feeling to give that certain emotion a name. All he knew was, he wanted to be close to Mello, he wanted to work with him, he wanted to be accepted by him. It began to take more of a toll on him whenever the boy insulted him.

He didn't know it then, but he was in love.

_I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late_

Of course, Near knew that any chances of Mello becoming his "friend" were long since gone, ever since that test that decided their fates.

Near was half tempted to start scoring below Mello on purpose, but…

He didn't want to be his "friend" that badly.

Right?

_Write me off, give up on me_

'_Cause darling, what did you expect?_

_I'm just off a lost cause_

_A long shot, don't even take this bet_

"If you like someone, you should just tell them."

…What?

How would that help anything?

Near ruled out Linda as a person he would ask for advice in the future. Weren't girls supposed to be experts at feelings and emotions and stuff like that? But come to think of it, Linda _was_ more of a tomboy…

"If you like someone, you should just tell them!"

Even the girliest female there, Jessica, said the same thing as Linda.

"Told you," Linda said smugly, leaning on the doorframe of Jessica's room.

Near glared at her.

"So, like, who do you like?" Jessica asked, eyes sparkly and wide with interest. "Omigawd, wait until I tell Erika about this! And Britney! And Terra!"

Maybe Jessica wasn't the best person to go to advice for.

"I don't understand what the big deal is about… Furthermore, your advice makes no sense…" Near said quietly, not outwardly expressing his inner conflict.

"Psh, idiot," Linda said, striding over to him. "Social stupidity is just the price to pay when you spend all your time inside…"

She kneeled down to his level, pushing the other girl over to look him straight in the eye.

"Don't let something you want float through your grasp unless you fought hard for it," she said gravely. "Or else the chance you had may not come again."

"But… What if this other person hates you? What then?" Near asked cautiously.

"Way to narrow it down!" Jessica said angrily, pushing herself up. "Like, everyone here hates you for being such a smarty-pants!"

The girl heaved a huge, aggravated sigh before Linda shot her a 'shut up' look. She hurriedly complied.

"You'll never know what the outcome will be unless you try. I don't care what your facts or figures say, some things can't be accurately thought out. Sometimes, you just have to take that wild chance and hope the unexpected happens."

And with that, Linda stood up, shot Near one last glance, and strode out, sprinting off to play a game of football or dodge ball with the guys.

_You can make all the moves, you can aim all the spotlights_

_Get all the sighs and the moans just right_

Needless to say, Near didn't take Linda's advice.

He continued to sit in silence and accept whatever Mello threw at him. He took every insult with a grain of salt, started rebuilding his fallen towers without batting an eye, and never once spoke up in defense or protest.

Mello was always the one to take initiative, after all.

If Mello wasn't going to say anything about their "relationship" other than the occasional "I hate you," Near wasn't going to, either. What was the point? Mello hated him, after all. That was that.

_I'm sleeping on your folks' porch again, dreaming_

_She said, she said, she said, "Why don't you just drop dead?"_

This went on for the duration of the pair's time at Wammy's. Even if Near woke up thinking he'd gather up the confidence to tell Mello how he felt – however that was – he'd seat himself in the playroom mulling it over until he finally discouraged himself mentally. He always seemed to come to this conclusion right as Mello stomped in.

Funny, right?

_I can't blame you for being you_

_But you can't blame me for hating it_

Mello was always so loud.

Therefore, it came as no surprise that he couldn't seem to stop yelling once he discovered L had died. Near wanted to console him…

"Near, Mello… Why don't the two of you work together?"

Near's extatic response, "_Of course we will!_" came out as a stoic, "All right; sounds good."

He should've known that Mello would refuse.

How predictable.

Even so…

_So say, what are you waiting for?_

_Kiss her, kiss her!_

Near wanted so badly to call out to Mello as he walked away, ready to live life on his own – away from Wammy's. There was a high chance that it would be a very long time before he would see his "rival" if he left, though there was an almost zero percent chance that he'd never come in contact with the boy again.

Near didn't know what to call it, but he felt like things wouldn't be right at Wammy's without Mello there, smashing his toys, calling him foul names, shoving him over.

He didn't know what to call it, but he'd miss Mello.

_I set my clocks early 'cause I know I'm always late_

But Near let Mello go, once again afraid of the confrontation that calling out to him would inevitably bring. It was no big deal, right? He could live without Mello, at least for a few years, couldn't he?

Couldn't he?

_(Always on, always on)_

_You said you'd keep me honest_

_(Always on, always on)_

_But I won't call you on it_

_(Always on, always on)_

It was a few years later when Near finally heard from Mello again. Albeit, it was indirect, but Mello's methods and habits stuck out like a sore thumb.

Mello said he'd get to Kira in "his own way."

His rash, confrontational way.

Even after all these years, another thing about Mello hadn't changed.

He still ate chocolate.

Constantly.

Inwardly, Near was… How to put it… Overjoyed he'd found Mello again. Or, more correctly, Mello had found him. It gave him a rather odd sense of pride, of satisfaction… Mello had kept his promise.

But he still refused to work with Near.

He could deal with that.

They were in contact again.

_I don't blame you for being you_

_But you can't blame me for hating it_

Naturally, Near could guess what Mello was planning. Kidnap Lady Takada to get at Kira. Always so rash, so confrontational. There were better ways to go about doing this… Again, he wanted to call out, to stop Mello, but he didn't.

Again, he left the initiating to Mello.

If they were going to talk with each other about his plan, Mello would be the one to start the conversation.

The likelihood of that happening was roughly .8 percent.

_So say, what are you waiting for?_

_Kiss her, kiss her_

As Near expected, Mello went along with his plan without once contacting Near himself. All of the communication between the SPK and Mello was done through Hal. It was almost depressing…

Almost.

At times like these, Near would usually gaze in secrecy at his picture of "Dear Mello," remembering "the good old days" back at Wammy's.

But he had given that particular photo back to Mello.

_I set my clocks early, 'cause I know I'm always late_

Near gazed up at the screens showing a particular news broadcast. The redhead from Wammy's had been shot to death. Near hoped the same wouldn't happen to Mello.

He wanted to pick up the phone and call him, but he knew he wouldn't answer now. Things were far too intense.

And just a few moments later, a new piece of information was added to the screen. The bodies of Lady Takada and her assailant had been found, burned to a crisp.

Mello was dead.

Rester was in the room, so he didn't let any emotion show on his face. He kept his head down, concentrating on his finger puppets.

"Near! Come in, Near!"

_Beep._

"Yes, Gevanni?"

He didn't let any emotion bleed through into his voice.

"Mikami took the real Death Note out of his safe deposit box at the bank. Your theory was right… The one we replaced was a fake."

"Okay. Please tail Mikami as much as possible, but make it possible to get to the scheduled meeting place on the twenty-eighth at one p.m."

"Yes, sir."

_Beep._

Everything was solved.

He had Light Yagami backed into a corner.

He had won.

All because of Mello.

Even afterwards, long after the Kira case had been solved, long after only the memory of both Kira and Light Yagami were left over, thoughts plagued Near as he gnawed on chocolate bars idly.

Would things have been different had he told Mello, at some point in the past, how he felt?

He knew there was a very small, miniscule chance of that happening.

The percentage was very low.

But the words of someone he had long since parted with rung loudly in his mind…

"_Don't let something you want float through your grasp unless you fought hard for it… Or else the chance you had may not come again."_

_I set my clocks early, 'cause I know I'm always late_


End file.
